Yesterday was the biggest and most important grading I’ve done so far, with the potential to take me to 1st Gup, and at the time of writing I’m still not sure what the outcome is.
I’d been pretty good up until Saturday in terms of nerves. Yeah, I was a bit apprehensive but nothing too bad. Then on Saturday night it hit me all at once and I was a nervous, stressy wreck. Ordinarily I’d perhaps have myself a beer just to take the edge off (not that I’m advocating drink as a solution – but it does tend to work well!), but knowing I had the grading the next morning and not knowing the strength of my homebrew – it’s pretty potent – I thought it would be stupid to have a drink. I’d been out at my work Christmas party the night before, so I know a couple would’ve sent me over the edge again. If there’s one thing you really don’t want at a grading, it’s a hangover. I barely slept on Saturday night and woke up at about half three in the morning and that was it. I couldn’t sleep for the life of me and kept waking up every ten minutes with my heart racing and feeling really stressed and anxious. The fact that I wasn’t 100% sure I knew everything I needed to know already had me feeling a bit dodgy, but this was much worse.
There’s something strange about a grading, it doesn’t matter how many you’ve done, you always feel the same nerves before one. I think it’s because you can never relax about them, as each time you go you know it’s going to be harder physically and mentally, and that the standards expected of you are much higher. I had a last-minute revision session in the morning, ran through all of my forms quickly so they were fresh in my head and then set off to the academy. It wasn’t until I’d got there that I realised I’d forgotten one small thing – the grading fee! I nipped across to Tesco which, with it being a Sunday, was an absolute mad house, and after spending five minutes trying to find a parking space went to get some cash. Naturally one of the two cashpoints was broken, and I’d chosen the exact time of day when the world and his wife decided they needed some money, so I joined the obscenely long queue. Why is it it only takes me about thrity seconds from start to finish to get money out, but some people take an age?! Anyway, cash in hand I hotfooted it back to the academy for my impending doom.
The atmosphere in the dojang was really good when I got there, lots of smiling faces (mostly on the white belts who’d never had a grading before…) and a good sense of camaraderie. I was surprised at the number of people there, the Falmouth club had brought thirteen students over to grade. Most of them had their chance to try first, and the eight male students were first up. They were given a bit of a beasting which had two of them dashing off to the toilet to throw up, but providing they passed, they’ll know they earned it today! Everyone took a turn and then after a quick toilet break, it was my turn along with my brother (going for 2nd Gup) and one of our friends (going for 5th Gup I think?). We were told to maybe expect a surprise, but I had no idea what it might be. What I can remember of the physical is what I expected really, a lot of different pushup and sit-up variations with a lot of repititions and loads of cardio work in between, and then it was on to basics. Basics in a grading are drilled nice and fast, up and down the hall and entirely in Korean, and can be as bad as a physical in terms of getting your heart racing and getting you gasping for air. Il soo sik dae ryun and ho sin sool (one step sparring and self-defence) seemed to go quite well and then came our surprise. My brother and I were told to pair up with one of the Dan grades each and then got told to improvise knife defence as they attacked us! It went well though, and once the sparring, history and terminology tests were over, and I’d done a palm strike break to a brick, the test was over.
I’m so pleased to have finally done this grading, pass or fail. It’s been a long time coming, and caused me a lot of worry, but on the whole it’s done me good. It’s re-kindled my love for the art and forced me to work hard. I’m looking forward to more of the same in the future with a due sense of excitement and dread. If I’ve passed this one, the next one is the big one – First Dan.
*gulp*