Tag Archives: grading

A Week In The Life

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I’ve had a busy and eventful week or so, so here’s my attempt to catch-up on it all.

Garden

As I mentioned on here a couple of weeks ago, I’ve got it into my head that I’m going to finally sort the back garden out this Spring and get some fruit and vegetable beds dug and planted. I’ve actually started it this time, and I’m making steady progress so far. I’ve got one bed fully dug, planted peas, and built a cane/net support structure to keep the birds (and dogs) off, and for the peas to grow up. I’m under no illusions of ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’ proportions of veg, but something to eat in a few months would be good. I’ve also got a large pot planted up with chilies, and another pot with some spare strawberry plants in. If I can’t grow strawberries there’s no hope for me!

I’m going to get back out in the garden this weekend and dig another bed or two, with a view to getting carrots, garlic, onions and some corn in (the corn is a trial). Just call me Richard Briers.

Dogs

Ella is well and truly settled in now, and turning out to be a proper little character. For such a scaredy-dog (she jumps at the slightest sound) she’s incredibly pushy when there are treats being given out, or some love to be had. Murph gave us a scare last week and was really poorly for a few days, but he’s back to normal now and loving agility again. The problem for me is the better he gets at it, the further and faster I have to run to keep up with him as the courses get longer and more complex. It’s as taxing mentally as it is physically sometimes, trying to figure out whether you should be doing reverse turns, cut-behinds, pull-throughs or whatever, all the while keeping an eye on the overly excited ginger monkey running and jumping with me.

Music

This is the best thing I’ve had to post here for a long time, I’m so excited. I was chatting to some friends about bands we’ve never been to see, and how it’d be sad for them to finish before we had a chance to watch them live, and to cut a long story short, we ended up buying tickets to Iron Maiden this summer! Iron Maiden…. how frickin’ awesome is that?? We’re going to watch them on 31st July in Birmingham as part of their Final Frontier tour, and I already know how amazing it’s going to be, I cannot wait.

Holiday

It’s looked for a long time that I wasn’t going to get a summer holiday somewhere warm this year, mainly due to the fact that we tend to go on holiday with a group of friends, and one of the couples in that group recently had a baby. However, it turns out that they’re keen to take their offspring off to warmer climes too, so there’s a good chance that we’ll all be heading off to Spain again in September for a week chilling out by the pool together. I’m really glad we do it that way to be honest, there’s no way I could really afford a ‘proper’ holiday this year, but when we get a villa between us it usually works out at about £300 for everything; flights and villa. That’s the sort of holiday I can afford :)

Grading

Last Sunday was the Spring grading at the academy, and it was quite a nervy one for me, because it was the first time ‘my’ students had been with just me by and large since their last grading, which meant I was responsible for their forms and one-step/self-defence. They did me proud though, and the day was a great success.

So that’s me for now, I’m sure there’s probably some other stuff I’ve forgotten, suffice to say March has absolutely flown by so far. Hopefully the next time I update I can be a bit more focused on one topic, and maybe even show you all some pictures of my gardening success!

Gotham and Grading

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I’ve recently been playing through Batman: Arkham Asylum on the 360, and I’ve been surprised by just how much I’ve enjoyed it. I tried the demo way-back-when and liked the fighting system, but I was surprised by all the rave reviews it got when it was released. I suppose it always had a good chance as it was a stand-alone release, I mean, it didn’t have a stupid film tie-in to try to meet in terms of plot and release schedule. The simple fact is that it’s a fantastic game, full of atmosphere and some wonderful controls.

For the first time that I can think of, I really enjoyed the stealth aspects of the game too. Normally stealth games drive me to distraction; I hate having to hide somewhere for ages only to sneak out round a corner and get seen by someone. Batman seems to be the exception to the rule though; the ‘Predator Rooms’ are brilliant. You’re given a room full of armed guards and have to take them all out, but Batman, tough though he is, isn’t bullet-proof. Staying out of sight is the order of the day, so using gargoyles to survey the scene from above is the way to go. There are a load of different techniques to get the job done, including inverted takedowns from said gargoyles, sneaking up from underneath floor panels, smashing through glass ceilings or just plain creeping up on someone unseen. Great fun and a real sense of achievement when it all works.

Joker Choker?

The story is tied together with amazing visuals and a plot and back-history dripping with detail. Interview tapes hidden around the islands reveal insights into how the various bad guys came to be there, and there are all sorts of other hidden things to find. Not least of which being the Riddler’s… riddles. There are some which require you to ‘scan’ particular objects in an area, and some are just trophies hidden which need finding. Add all of these little bits together and you’ve got a completionist’s dream, there’s plenty to come back for. Add in the challenge modes and DLC and there’s plenty to keep you playing long after the credits roll. That to me, is how I know this is a great game – not only have I completed it, I loved the stealth aspects and I’m still playing it now, just to try to find all of the hidden stuff. You can pick up a Game of the Year edition for less than 25 quid now, I’d really recommend doing so.

Other than rotting my brain with video games, I’ve been concentrating on TSD again. This Sunday past I had the privilege to sit on the grading panel at our Spring grading. Having only very recently passed my own first Dan grading, I didn’t expect to be sat there for a long time, at least until I was teaching my own class, but the opportunity presented itself and I wasn’t about to say no. I was really surprised to find that just being in the grading hall made me nervous, even though all I was going to do was sit down and watch others going through it. It’s actually quite difficult to watch one or more people and look for all the things you know should be in a performance, while at the same time conferring with the rest of the panel and making notes, and I really felt the weight of responsibility for these students’ progression (or lack thereof).

I needn’t have worried too much though, on the whole everyone grading did themselves and the club proud. There were a few standout performances and you can really tell which people have been putting in the extra time and training. Sitting less than a couple of feet from them when they went through their kyok pa (breaking) you could hear the nerves in a lot of their breathing. Breaks are normally my favourite part of a grading; it means you’re nearly at the finish line. The day also helped me realise that I’m not getting any younger in terms of competing, and that I’d really like to be able to pass on what I’ve learned so far, and what I’ll continue to learn as the years go on. It actually feels like quite a responsibility, as I’ve always had teachers of a very high standard and I want to be able to pass that high standard on to anyone I end up teaching. Our Kwan has earned itself a very good and well-deserved reputation now, it lies with me and other future instructors coming up through the ranks to make sure it stays that way.

Black Belt

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I’ve tried to think of a clever title for this entry for ages, but I’ve failed each and every time. It’s one I’d always hoped I’d have to write at some point, I just hadn’t expected to creep up on me so quickly. In a nutshell, I passed my 1st Dan (Black Belt) grading.

Seeing it written down like that is strange, and if I’m honest it still hasn’t sunk in yet. I don’t think that’ll happen until I’m actually presented with the belt and certificate, which hopefully will be around the end of the month, and I imagine it’ll start to hit home then. Perhaps fittingly, I found out I passed on the 4th, which was exactly four years to the day since my very first lesson. Four years, wow.

This isn’t going to turn into a misty-eyed retrospective, I’ve done that far too often in the past on here, but it’s nice to have a little bit of reflection and to get it down on paper (well, recorded in bits and bytes at least). The grading tests themselves were tough, and for different reasons; the physical was obviously very demanding, the written test gave my brain a bashing, and the essay made me take a good look at myself. It’s done now though, and although I didn’t do as well as I’d like to (isn’t that always the case?) I did well enough to earn my belt. There’ll probably be a few people out there who’d find it strange when I say that I won’t be getting a black belt, but rather a midnight blue one, but it’s essentially the same thing. Tang Soo Do traditionally uses midnight blue, as this is what the founder chose. The reasons for choosing it are a matter of debate for some, but it’s the same thing.

The strangest feeling for me is that there isn’t the sense of completion that I’d anticipated when I first started training. Some people (most I’d imagine) look on the black belt as being quite final, the end of a journey, but it’s perfectly apparent to me now that this isn’t the case. I’m very proud of myself for seeing it through this far, because I’m a serial starter-of-things-I’ll-never-see-through, but I can genuinely see how this is far from the end of something, it’s just the start of something new, a continuation of what I’m already doing. After all, it’s only 1st Dan right, there’s still another 9 to work toward ;) .

I’d also just like to take the time here and now to thank everyone involved in my progress one way or another up until now. My instructors, my fellow students and everyone who showed me some support along the way. It was all appreciated, from people telling me I could do it, to people kicking my ass all over the dojang.

Onwards and upwards.

Dan Dare

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I used to love The Eagle comics when I was a kid, and Dan Dare was always the cover comic. This is one of my more tenuous post titles. What a busy chap I’ve been. Obviously I was out of the country last week on my trip to Cologne to see the city and the Christmas markets, but I’ll go over that later this week once I remember to get the photos off of the camera. The thing which is fresher in my mind is what I went through on the Saturday after I got back, and that’s mostly because of the constant painful reminders I have.

Those of you who know me and have known me for any length of time will know that I started training in Tang Soo Do around four years ago. This blog has been home to my attempts to chronicle my journey so far, and at each milestone I’ve made an effort to update here as a reminder for myself. This past weekend I took the first part of my grading for First Dan.

It seems incredible to me that I could be at a stage where I’d be grading for black belt (ok, so techincally I’m grading for midnight blue), especially when my first lesson is still so fresh in my mind. But sure enough on Saturday afternoon after a long day of travelling the day before, I made my way over the the academy with a head full of refreshed forms to see what waited for me. Dan gradings in TSD are very personal and always done behind closed doors. I remember thinking when I first started that maybe the whole ‘behind closed doors’ thing was a bit of pomp and ceremony, but now I understand exactly why it’s done that way. I won’t go into what happens on the day, that would defeat the whole purpose, suffice to say that even today, two days after I’m still in a lot of pain. I don’t see it disappearing any time soon either, it feels like I’ve been run over.

I’ve still got a couple more parts to the grading to do, namely a written essay and a test, so it won’t be for a while that I learn how well I did or didn’t do. I only hope I don’t have to retake the phyiscal part again. It’s quite a reflective time really, having to face and work through everything you’ve learned (and then some more), especially with it being just a few weeks until I’ve been training for four years. I have a newfound respect for anyone who’s been through the black belt testing, it’s easily the most physically (and mentally for that matter) demanding thing I’ve ever been through.

This is quite a rubbish update. If and when I make it to First Dan, I’m sure I can come up with something better. Pretty pictures and something more interesting soon, promise.

Dipping Into The Reserves

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I’m absolutely knackered today.

I wish I could say it’s because I had this wild weekend and am still recuperating, but it’s nothing as glamorous or hedonistic as that. After training on Friday I was all geared up and ready for the local Rock Night, which is my favourite night out and I hadn’t been for the previous three months. Well, now we can make that four months. I had a frantic call as I finished training to tell me that the taps in the new bathroom had broken and that water was basically pissing out behind the bath, through the floor and down into the kitchen. Water was running off the light fittings (eek!), out of the extractor fan, and there were huge damp marks on the ceiling where the joists meet the plasterboard. That little disaster put paid to any thoughts of going out, so instead I got an early night.

It was a good idea on the face of it, the kickboxing class on Friday night had been pretty hard and even today I’m still feeling the ill effects of trying to lift someones bodyweight with my shoulders in a sit-up stylee. I got asked at late notice to help with a grading on Saturday afternoon – a second Dan grading at that. It’s very rare to get a chance to see what happens at a Dan grading, so I took the opportunity to help out and to have some of it treated as pre-grading tests for my own Dan grading in the winter. It was a bit of an eye-opener and I can’t say it’s made me want my turn to come any faster. It was reasonably tiring even for me for various reasons, but mostly for a lot of no-pads sparring. There wasn’t anything in the way of pulled punches that afternoon.

I only had a few hours to get my dobok washed, dried and ironed again before I was back at the dojang at Sunday lunchtime, this time for the Gup gradings. It was relatively small compared to previous events, but all of the tension and nervousness was still present. Everyone did admirably well, but with all of the sparring, the big lesson after and then teaching the kids’ class afterwards I’m feeling shattered today. I’d have given just about anything for another hour in bed this morning.

Tonight’s not going to help me much, as Mondays are by far the busiest and most hectic with dog agility and BJJ almost straight after work, and then getting home at 10pm. I am looking forward to dog agility though. Although there’s quite a bit of running about and the chance I’ll land on my ass in the middle of a cold field again, it makes Murph so happy it’s worth it. He gets all happy and squeaky when we get near the place, and the fact that I have a big bag of cheese in my pocket tends to do the trick too. I’m thankful this is only a four-day week for me this week, as I’m off to London to watch the Prizefighter tournament on Friday. I can’t wait to watch the bouts and to sit down and do nothing for a few hours. Sprott’s pulled out, but I still hope I get to see Williams and Harrison knock lumps out of one another.

What I’d do for forty winks about now…

Vampires Beware!

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See that big bright thing outside? That’s the sun that is! It’s been out and about for the last few days now and it’s about time too. Spring is actually here now, I’m sure of it. I’ve had a load of daffodils in the living room brightening things up for the last week and there’s nothing more spring-like than a big vase of bright yellow daffs. The best thing is that it’s so warm too; there’s been some sunshine over winter but it’s never been warm enough to sit outside in a t-shirt in and enjoy. I tried doing just that over the weekend but this cold is still lingering and I’m doing my damnedest to stop it turning into a chest infection.

It’d be nice to be able to say the extension is going up as quickly as the grass in the front garden, but in truth progress has been slow. This is mostly through no fault of the builders, it’s Building Controls  who are holding things up. They seem to change their mind as to what they want as often as they change their socks, so most of the time at the moment is spent waiting around for them to come back and tell the builders they can actually do some work again. On the plus side, there’s no more hole digging. The foundations are in, the sewerage pipes encased and blockwork has started to go up. ‘Going up’ is entirely relative at the moment though, as they’re still below what will be ground level, but up is up and I’m happy. All that’s left for us to do now is to order the flooring for the house and trundle back up to Bristol to pick up the kitchen. I’m still hopeful that by my birthday we’ll actually have a house to put it all in.

Extension Progress

Extension Progress

Our Tang Soo Do club held the first grading of the new year on Sunday, and while I wasn’t grading I still turned up and pulled my  dobok on in support. I was really glad to not be grading thanks to being ill, but I still did my bit by helping out with some il soo sik dae ryun and ho sin sool, and held boards for the kyok pa (breaking). I got a meaty kick in the hand during the breaking which wasn’t much fun, as well as embarrassing myself. The re-breakable plastic boards (which actually take a much stronger and more accurate strike to break than a piece of pine) can be set to a normal break, or a half break for the kids. I had to try to reset one for a half break so decided to just break it on my knee. WHAM – no break – these things are tougher than I remember! To save any more blushing I give in an extra-strong whack on my knee…. and the same thing happened. Oh dear. Looking back I should’ve just played it like I was showing the guys who’ve never had to break before how tough the boards are, instead of what was probably turning red and laughing. Everyone passed during what was quite a tough grading, and for a while I was a bit disappointed that I wasn’t doing it too. Only for a very short while though, I’m not stupid.

We had a big group lesson afterward with all the guys from Falmouth who came across to grade, which packed the dojang. It’s always good to get everyone together to train though, we did some enjoyable takedown work and in a bit of a break from the norm we did some traditional Korean wrestling. There’re not many times where being one of the biggest guys in the club is an advantage; this was one of them.

All that remains for today is what to get for lunch to take to the park and eat, it’s far too nice to stay in :) .

Pass!

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Good news, I just heard that I passed the grading! That means I’m pretty much officially a 1st Gup now, or at least I will be once I get an extra tag of electrical tape tied around the end of my belt. It’s probably the first time I’ve sat down and thought about it properly, and it’s a really odd feeling. It’s three years now that I’ve invested in Tang Soo Do, at what, roughly three or four hours a week? By my reckoning that’s about six hundred hours spent sweating, panting and knackering myself out. In that time I’ve learned a lot about Tang Soo Do and karate in general, a bit about defending myself, and despite not being able to actually DO it all properly, I know what I SHOULD be doing most of the time ;) .

I guess it starts getting really hard from here on in. How on Earth did I ever end up as the most senior gup grade??

Grading: 2nd Gup to 1st Gup(?)

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Yesterday was the biggest and most important grading I’ve done so far, with the potential to take me to 1st Gup, and at the time of writing I’m still not sure what the outcome is.

I’d been pretty good up until Saturday in terms of nerves. Yeah, I was a bit apprehensive but nothing too bad. Then on Saturday night it hit me all at once and I was a nervous, stressy wreck. Ordinarily I’d perhaps have myself a beer just to take the edge off (not that I’m advocating drink as a solution – but it does tend to work well!), but knowing I had the grading the next morning and not knowing the strength of my homebrew – it’s pretty potent – I thought it would be stupid to have a drink. I’d been out at my work Christmas party the night before, so I know a couple would’ve sent me over the edge again. If there’s one thing you really don’t want at a grading, it’s a hangover. I barely slept on Saturday night and woke up at about half three in the morning and that was it. I couldn’t sleep for the life of me and kept waking up every ten minutes with my heart racing and feeling really stressed and anxious. The fact that I wasn’t 100% sure I knew everything I needed to know already had me feeling a bit dodgy, but this was much worse.

There’s something strange about a grading, it doesn’t matter how many you’ve done, you always feel the same nerves before one. I think it’s because you can never relax about them, as each time you go you know it’s going to be harder physically and mentally, and that the standards expected of you are much higher. I had a last-minute revision session in the morning, ran through all of my forms quickly so they were fresh in my head and then set off to the academy. It wasn’t until I’d got there that I realised I’d forgotten one small thing – the grading fee! I nipped across to Tesco which, with it being a Sunday, was an absolute mad house, and after spending five minutes trying to find a parking space went to get some cash. Naturally one of the two cashpoints was broken, and I’d chosen the exact time of day when the world and his wife decided they needed some money, so I joined the obscenely long queue. Why is it it only takes me about thrity seconds from start to finish to get money out, but some people take an age?! Anyway, cash in hand I hotfooted it back to the academy for my impending doom.

The atmosphere in the dojang was really good when I got there, lots of smiling faces (mostly on the white belts who’d never had a grading before…) and a good sense of camaraderie. I was surprised at the number of people there, the Falmouth club had brought thirteen students over to grade. Most of them had their chance to try first, and the eight male students were first up. They were given a bit of a beasting which had two of them dashing off to the toilet to throw up, but providing they passed, they’ll know they earned it today! Everyone took a turn and then after a quick toilet break, it was my turn along with my brother (going for 2nd Gup) and one of our friends (going for 5th Gup I think?). We were told to maybe expect a surprise, but I had no idea what it might be. What I can remember of the physical is what I expected really, a lot of different pushup and sit-up variations with a lot of repititions and loads of cardio work in between, and then it was on to basics. Basics in a grading are drilled nice and fast, up and down the hall and entirely in Korean, and can be as bad as a physical in terms of getting your heart racing and getting you gasping for air. Il soo sik dae ryun and ho sin sool (one step sparring and self-defence) seemed to go quite well and then came our surprise. My brother and I were told to pair up with one of the Dan grades each and then got told to improvise knife defence as they attacked us! It went well though, and once the sparring, history and terminology tests were over, and I’d done a palm strike break to a brick, the test was over.

I’m so pleased to have finally done this grading, pass or fail. It’s been a long time coming, and caused me a lot of worry, but on the whole it’s done me good. It’s re-kindled my love for the art and forced me to work hard. I’m looking forward to more of the same in the future with a due sense of excitement and dread. If I’ve passed this one, the next one is the big one – First Dan.

*gulp*

Seeing Red

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It’s the morning after the day before, the day before being a very big one for me, my grading which would potentially see me work my way toward a red belt and Senior status.

I was really relaxed in the lead-up to the day which is unusual for me, the nerves normally really hit me a day or two before and give me some bad sleep. But no, Saturday was nice and relaxed, we used some vouchers we had stashed away to go to the local spa and have a swim, sauna and jacuzzi, and in the evening I put my feet up and read by the fire. That night I slept like a baby, but woke up at 7 the next morning in a fit of nerves. I couldn’t remember anything, couldn’t figure out how long things would take me to get ready, I couldn’t even think what to eat. I got Mrs Adam to give me a test on my terminology and history and set out to the University campus where the grading was to be held.

There was a big turn-out again, the Falmouth Uni class had seven students grading which was great to see, the other clubs made up the remainder of eight others. The kids had their grading first and it was immediately obvious the whole day wasn’t to be taken lightly when the first girl up was told to sit back down after being called up, as she failed to either shout ‘Yes sir!’ or run to her mark, both of which were explicitly asked. All credit to them though, after a quick pep talk at the grading bench they stepped their games up, and the girl grading from her junior green belt had to spar both me and my brother – first in turn and then together. She stepped her game up and fought as well as she ever had, it was great to see. The 10th gups took their turn next, followed by the large group of 9th gups from the Uni. Some of us got a chance to stay a little loose and warm by getting up and helping as an attacked for the ho sin sool and il soo sik dae ryun parts of their testing, which was an absolute blessing. We all get a warm up at the start of the day, but two hours sat on a cold floor cross-legged soon takes the heat out of your muscles. Not that I really had any cause to worry about being too cold.

Myself, my brother and one of our friends were called up for the final grading of the day. The club’s two 1st gups took the physical part of their Dan test the day before (the Dan grading consists of a normal physical testing and a written exam) and were hurting from it. These are the guys who are used by the grading panel to take us through our physical beasting at the start of our testing – I knew trouble was coming our way. I don’t remember much from the beasting part apart from the sound of my own gasping for breath, having to have my eyes shut for much of it as the sweat was pouring into my eyes and stinging, and the pain from the crunches. I remember being in agony during a set of fifty squats and one of the demonstrators telling me to remember what I was doing it all for, and I did remember and it helped. Apparently our instructor had decided that we shouldn’t be left standing still for a second from start to finish, so from there it was straight into something else (I honestly can’t remember what order we did things in). The sparring was three continuous fights and the Dan canditates we fought were pulling no punches, I think they must have been told to go hard, I certainly felt it. Once again I had a little incident or two during my Bo form (bong hyung il bu), taking a groove out of a pillar doing a front strike and nearly taking out one of the lights. I was expecting to be able to recollect the testing perfectly today, but I really can’t remember much about it at all. I just remember being breathless and in pain for just about the entire time. The terminology and history questions and breaks at the end were welcome relief indeed. I was asked to do two breaks (breaking – kyok pa), firstly a back kick – which for once I nailed and sent half the board flying back into the mirrors – and secondly a knife hand strike, which is really one of the easiest breaks I could have been asked to do.

The grading ended and we still had the hall for another 90 minutes, so we had a full lesson straight after(!). We concentrated on some of the less usual stuff, like takedowns and instant releases, followed by a lot of sparring drills and then some bouts to end the day. I drove home on complete autopilot, I have no idea how I got back once I’d arrived. It hadn’t even occurred to me at the time that I didn’t know if I’d passed or not.

I treated myself to a hot meal and a hotter shower, then met a few of the guys for a very quick drink at our usual haunt to talk about the day and just relax for an hour. I treated myself to a pint of local ale, my first beer of any kind for around a month or so, it tasted especially good. We were sat around talking when my instructor suddenly mentioned that my brother and I should be on the lookout for new uniforms, because everyone had passed. This was welcome, brilliant news. For my brother it meant he’d successfully double-graded (a single grade would only have added a new tag to his belt, a double meant a red belt and red trimmed dobok), it also meant that I hadn’t failed, I passed my grading! As if that wasn’t good enough, I then got told that I had successfully double graded too. I’m still pretty shocked and very pleased, not to mention very proud.

DSC_0023
(could I be more hidden away?)

I’m now a 2nd gup in Tang Soo Do. How on Earth that’s happened I have no idea. It was only five minutes ago I was watching the red belts taking portions of classes and not even contemplating how long it would take to get to that level. But I’m here now all the same. In fact, just as I was typing this something occured to me – If the two Dan candidates are successful and make it to Cho Dan, I’ll be the most senior gup grade at the club…. what’s going on?! My next grading won’t be for a good while now, and I have masses of stuff to work on and learn in between now and then. Most notably in my opinion is the fact that I have to learn not only the most awkward of the Pyung Ahn forms – Pyung Ahn Oh Dan – but one of the most complex and forms most representative of TSD – Bassai. Some schools of TSD and Karate use two forms of it, Bassai Sho and Bassai Dai, with the ‘sho’ version being cut-down and very short, we only use what would be the ‘dai’ version (dai meaning greater or great). I’ve certainly got my work cut out for me for the next year or so.

Making The Grade

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There’s only one more lesson left now before my grading, and it’s question time. I don’t mean questions to my seniors or instructors, but questioning myself. It doesn’t help me any but it’s something I do every time without fail. I can safely predict now that over the next couple of days I’m going to be asking myself some familiar questions.

How’s my Korean? Are there any technique names I need to brush up on?

Do I know my forms well enough? Will I remember the kihap points in my newest one?

What if I forget everything when I stand in front of the panel to be quizzed?

How on Earth am i going to survive the physical?

It’s the latter of those that tends to play on my mind the most, as it’s (for me) by far the most difficult part of the grading. I usually grade with people of a similar grade, so I know the grading panel aren’t going to go easy for my sake. Not that they would of course, there’s no point in the physical unless it’s going to knacker you before you start.

Each grading I take now is getting harder and harder, and this will be no exception. There’s more expected of me physically and mentally, and I have so much more to remember and to work on. Sloppy things which might have earned me a ‘pass’ in the past will get noticed even more now and count against me. Plus from a ‘face’ viewpoint and my own pride, I’m likely to be one of the last to grade. That means the people going up before me are setting a standard to everyone watching, I need to be at least that good. I know that in all reality that’s not true, and not the way I should be thinking about it. This is a personal test, not comparing me against the others. I also know that when it comes to my turn to test, I won’t even be aware of the guy next to me, let alone the people watching, but what makes it worse is the waiting. I’ll be sat at the back of the hall for the best part of two hours or so with nothing to say and no-one to talk to other than my brain, the same brain which I’m going to be working on making positive, and driving out those creeping doubts.

I know this all sounds horribly pessimistic and negative, but in a way it’s therapeutic to me.

The nerves have officially started.