Porridge

I’ve never been very good at breakfast. For years I wouldn’t eat anything until mid-morning at the earliest, and even then it wasn’t always great food. I’ve always found that too many cereals taste too malty, but that’s a bit of a rubbish reason for not starting the day the right way. So for the last couple of months I’ve taken to having porridge for breakfast, and I mean religiously. This week went a bit wrong though, starting on Sunday with a microwave mishap. I cooked something at lunchtime in the microwave and there was a strong smell of burnt plastic. I don’t know what I put it down to but I didn’t think much of it until the evening, when the microwave starting smoking and stinking!

Monday morning without a microwave and me getting up too late meant there was no porridge on the menu, and I was totally useless until lunchtime. I had no idea just how reliant I’ve become on my oaty meal to start the day. We got given a microwave that evening, which works perfectly with the small exception of the light. Seeing as how the kitchen is due for demolition in the next few weeks anyway, it’s a small price to pay, and forking out for a new microwave would be daft.

Tuesday morning then, up bright and early, get my things ready for breakfast and… oh no, no milk!! I don’t like porridge made with water, so went to work hungry again. Another day of being drowsy and a bit poor in general. So last night I went out with the express purpose of getting a big bottle of milk, there was no way I was missing out on it for a third day in a row. There’s no way I wasn’t having some this morning, but once again a small hurdle was put in my way…

The new oven is the same wattage as the broken one, so I did the same as normal – 4 minutes at full power, with a stir after 2. There’s no light in it as I mentioned, but sure enough when I stirred it it was fine. I gave it another minute and opened the door only to find what can only be described as the breakfast equivalent of Vesuvius in front of me. Porridge EVERYWHERE, and a massive dome of inflated oats sitting in the bowl – which promptly burst and sank. The last thing I need before work is to do the dishes, I was pretty annoyed about it to put it mildly. I finished up making it as normal and ate what was left, and I feel so much better for it today. I swear starting to eat porridge for breakfast is like taking Crack, it doesn’t take long before you’re totally dependent on it.

For anyone who cares, here’s the (not-so-exact) science of breakfast a la Adam.

1. Take a bowl, preferably a clean one, and put some porridge oats in it. How much you use depends on many factors, such as how many times you’ve made it before and made five times the amount you meant to, or how hungover you are.
2. Pour in some milk. Again, experience pays dividends here, but I usually put in enough to make it like an oaty broth. That makes a lovely thick ‘stick-to-your-ribs’ consistency.
3. Stick it in the microwave for four minutes. Stir it well after two, and then keep a close eye on it. It doesn’t take long for it to become an amorphous blob making a bid for freedom. If it’s turned to the consitency of sludge, it’s ready.
4. Once it’s done, take it out and have to hand your additions. Porridge on its own gets bland very quickly, so my preferred way to prepare it is with half a tablespoon of honey (wild greek honey at the moment, but whatever you like), and a decent amount of mixed fruit and peel.
5. Wolf it down.
6. Get the bowl in the washing-up bowl asap, once it dries on this stuff sets like concrete.

Easy eh? If you’ve got a sweeter tooth, put a spoon of decent cocoa powder in too for yummy brown goo. I’m fully aware that this is perhaps one of the most boring blog posts ever, but my attempt to push the gospel of porridge onto the masses is in an effort to appease the microwave gods.